Chocolate train to Bastille day

We set off from Rome with hopes of finding a mythical train of chocolate in Switzerland. How far could it be? couldn't be much of a drive. We are toughened travelers after all!.. How wrong I was. It seems that every workman in italy was recruited to impeed our journey. The tollway to the swiss border included 500 km of road work.... BUGGAR! setting a cracking average speed of a little under 50km and hour we struggled on into the night. Unfortunately our chocolate train was scheduled for a 9:30 am departure. We had little idea of how long the journey over St benards pass world take, so could not dare finding a hotel so far away.

On into the night we drove, while menacing dark shapes loomed above. Illuminated by a full moon, these iceberg like silhouette passed us in the night. Siliently we slid along the alpine roads, crossing chasm and cliff, alone, not a car to be seen. Then as 4:00 am aproached a glimmer of light. we desceneded into switzerland as the rose glow of dawn crept over the mountains. Each minute bringing more shape and cliff and cresent, and hill top into view. It was an eerie descent, but beautiful to witness, the sights from which I will long remember.

We arrived in Montreux and procceed to snooze away the rest of the morning. (our cheapest acomodation so far). The upside to our early arrival was the all day parking next to the train station. HArd to get one once th etown wakes up. Montreux is situated on the oposite end of lake Leman to Geneva. The lake itself is stunning, complete with a mountainous backdrop, sail boats, and an impressive castle overlooking the water.

The swiss chocolate train travells from Montreux up a switchback track through the mountains to stop at a superb cheese factory, thence a castle and village in Gruyères. The trip started with choclate croisants and hot choclate to go. The cheese was extremely tastey, but had only limited selection available. They soak the cheese in vats of brine, before aging it up to 18 months. I do recomend the vintage. Unfortunately the audio tour is presented by a talking cow, who I wanted to brain to death within a few short minutes. Everything in Switzerland is far to cute to exist in the real world. If I ever see another smilling cow/red cross/ tourist trap again it will be too soon.!

Abig highlight was the local castle. we fixed some chees and ham sandwiches by and old crone that had to be the aunt of the hunch-back of Notre Damne. She was beautifuly attired, but had a disturbing limp, an enourmous hump between her sholdersm, and an eye that seemed to pop in and out of its own accord. Further up the delightfull village/tourist trap we found an outsanding gallery.

THE GIEGER GALLERY!

Can you believe that Gieger (the artist that created the graphic art for "Alien") is swiss!, and his home town is here! and that his montage of hideously alien, and gruesome work is on display alongside cute cow bells and flowers! We ditched the town and headed in imeadiately. not only did the museum have an outsanding display of gieger's own work and sculpture, it also had the works of art that he enjoys himself. A whole floor is devoted to works that he has collected by other artists. Outsanding! Next door to the museum is a Gieger bar. The bar is completely kitted out alien style. Every lightfitting, chair, barstool, couch is moulded and shaped to Gieger's whimsy. Outsanding!

We visted the castle, which also had some varied and interesting art pieces. One thing I can't stand about the swiss is their apalling cleanlyness and atention to detail. the castle was imaculate, with not a gram of dust to be visable. Antique furniture and floor boards polished and gleaming. it was horific! Dim may not have shared my horror.

THE MAIN EVENT!

When you hear chocolate factory tour, you know you are going to be disapointed. You know that somewhere along the line, they are going to say that you can only eat this, or that. ANd that its a limited induclgence..... WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! this tour had unlimeted eating. you could gorge yourdelf on fine treates. And we did! SO MUCH PAIN!!!!!!! just to try one of everything was a challenge in itself. i am not a particular fan of swiss choclate, and especialy its over swet flavour. But I had the principle of the matter to contenbd with. I was not leaving untill i physicaly exploded! SO MUCH PAIN!!! Dim made a brave attempt at shovelling it in, but pulled up pretty quick. Not so for me! More MORE MORE M O R E! I was in frenzy of heightened awareness. I could more like a bumble bee, I was king of the world. I COULD SEE THROUGH TIME!

SO MUCH PAIN!

after being engourged to such a state that a team of oopa loopas had to roll me out, we returned to the thearter to watch a display of chocolate making and history. The down side of this tour is that you did not get to see the real inards of the factory.... well I did say that there is always a disapointment with a choclate tour.

FROM CHOCLATE TO CHAMPAIGN

As our choclate buzz came crashing down into a fevered sweating coma, we descended the mountains in our choclate train, and set out to reach the lands of France, where those dirty dirty no good french men come from.

Another long driving session left us a few kilometers short of the champagne district, and the evening before bastille day. We stayed at a trusty F1 (cheap motel usualy based on freeway interchange) in Troyes. As we arrived the skies lit up with fire works in all directions. Its seemed that all the local comunities were giving it a good bash before the main event the next day.

EPERNAY

The next day we turned up at Epernay. For those cretins out there who do not know (myself included) Epernay is the center of the champagne district, and is the site of the big champagne houses including Moet and Chandon, and Mercier etc etc. We set out for a full day of tasting and festivities. We toured both Moet and Mercier, I do recomend anything of the 98 wintage!.. although I have been recently informed that the 96 vintage is what you should realy be gagging for. the cellars are simply amazing. The ground substance is solid chalk, is cool and wet to touch. The cellars keep themselves at a constant and humid temp of 12 degrees. As you can understand it only takes a plot of land in the region, a pick and shovel, and instantly you are a champagne barron.

We also made use of some local champagne tasting and loaded up our bages with buckets of champagne.. so heavy! thence we sprinted for paris and the sights of Bastille day.

GOODBYE MEGANE

It was a sad when we had to return the Megane. Long had it served us, having travelled a total of just under 9,000 kilometers. All without a scratch or speedingticket... ermm well we hope that there were no speeding tickets!

The renault courtesy bus was very helpfull. the driver gave us a run down on Paris, and explained where to get the best view of the fire works. his advice landed us at a park oposite the eifel tower overlooking the parksland all the way to the war monument, and firework source. One thing about bastille day that impressed me was that every frenchman uses his god given right to explode things. Small fireworks, roman candles, fire crackers, pin wheels were going off all around us, well before, and well after the show started. And that is with all the mean as piss armed forces strutting their stuff.